The context behind a situation can change everything
Here's a question for you. Can you think of a time when you wanted to help someone but reacted to the situation wrong? You went in with the best intentions, but because you didn't understand the context of what was happening, you made things worse.
It's easy not to realise when it's happened. Our brain has a lot going on. It takes everything it sees, hears, feels, smells, and tastes and tells us what is happening.
The human brain processes up to 11 million pieces of information every second, but we only process around 40 of those consciously. This means our brain processes over 99% unconsciously.
On top of that, our amygdala (part of our limbic system) can play tricks on us. It provides emotional meaning to our memories, reward processing, and decision-making. Playing a pivotal role in assessing and responding to environmental threats and challenges by evaluating the emotional importance of sensory information.
Seeing a woman breastfeeding is an excellent example of knowing when your amygdala is active. As it is something you are not used to seeing and have seen reports of women being told not to breastfeed in public, your amygdala has said that this isn't normal. And you will find that you will respond either mentally or physically.
The above is a simple example that can be easy to catch. But we are complex. It is tough to know when our senses are driving us without taking a step back to think about the context behind it.
Side note: I watch a lot of television. Like a lot! Aside from being a safe space for my brain, it is a great way to explore different communities and individuals through storytelling.
In the Korean drama 'W' (episode 4), There is a scene where Yoon So-hui (assistant to Kang Cheol) is called out by her boss (Kang Cheol) for allowing her emotions to drive her decisions and not logic.
At the start of the scene, it's made clear that Yoon So-hui chose not to protect Yeon-joo, who wouldn't tell anyone who she was. While Kang Cheol, although suspicious himself, could see that through Yeon-joo's actions, there was more to her story. Kang Choel explains to Yoon So-hui her error by stating the following:
"Everyone looks at the appearance instead of looking at the context. And they believe they're being logical. You say you acted sensibly, but in fact, you didn't understand Yeon-joo's context at all. She didn't want me to be harmed, so she tossed my cell phone right before getting caught. Her identity is not important. If you understood the essence of her actions, you wouldn't doubt her. I started my business to help people who were sacrificed by logic. And yet you created another victim."
The scene concludes with Yeon-joo losing her job. Showing that despite her actions driven by her desire to protect her boss, she ruined her relationship entirely with Kang Cheol.
Appearance: The appearance of a stranger who is not upfront about who they are should go to jail for what they did.
Context: The context of some of their efforts is lost because she had already decided for them unconsciously.
(There is a whole reason for different realities. If you want to know why, watch the show on Netflix 😀)
Back to my question. Can you think of a time you wanted to help someone but reacted to the situation wrong?
I'm sure you can think of countless times when our emotions, our unconscious bias, have made the decisions for us. I know I can.
It can be hard to know when our unconscious bias plays a part. We don't know what we don't know. But there are some things we can do to become more self-aware and tackle it.
The next time you find yourself wanting to help, take a moment. Ask yourself if you have considered the context. Are your emotions the ones driving your decision-making?
Taking that moment can make all the difference in achieving the right outcome.
